I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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