She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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