wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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