Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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