Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
