what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
