Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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