I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
