Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
