there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
