you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
