I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
