all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
