a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
