Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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