You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
