If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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