but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
