a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
