Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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