we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
