i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
