I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
