remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just invented taco cereal.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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