I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
