Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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