this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
