spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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