Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
