mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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