is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
