Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
