if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
