You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
