He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
