3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
