I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
