i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
love makes seman taste better
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
