I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
