At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
