Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
