On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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