i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
