he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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