Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
