Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
