his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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