you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
