wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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