i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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