I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
