after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
