we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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