I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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