I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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