I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
