my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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